Sunday, November 10, 2013

Much Ado About Brew; From Me to You.

Brewfest Tallahassee 2013

       We arrived at the title event shortly after five o'clock in the evening. Parking was easier than I thought it would be with the assistance of a few gentlemen from The Tallahassee Sunrise Rotary club who aided our navigation through the crowded parking area at The Tallahassee Automotive Museum. We exited our vehicle only to be confronted with a long, long, long walk to the end of a long, long, long line. Luckily the line moved quickly and soon we were almost at the gate.
Almost Inside!
       Budweiser's "World Famous" Clydesdales were not coming. I was slightly disappointed because I would have like to seem them. I later decided that smell emanating from the port-a-potties was probably enough to make up for the lack of odor I'm quite sure the horses would have produced.

       Once tickets were scanned and bands were applied to our wrists we entered the venue and received our "Official Beer Manifest & Voting Card" along with two six ounce glass cups with the event logo on the front. The beer manifest was as large as the throngs of people milling about so we wasted no time hitting the various brewer's trucks, tents, trailers and tables.

The Official Brewfest Tallahassee 2013 Beer Manifest & Voting Card


       The manifest (pictured above) contained the list of manufacturers and products presented of every vendor that was supposed to be there. We would later find out that several vendors were no-shows and several more did not bring enough of their product for the thirsty masses. We went about coloring in the dots next to the brews we wanted to sample (with the free pens that were in our sample cups) and started to fight the crowds to get to the manufacturers we were pining for. My goal was to sample all two hundred of the beers available. I didn't even come close. I did, however, take notes on a few of the beers that stood out to me.

The Beer Trailer

          The majority of the vendors had kegs stored in an alcoholic's miracle on wheels; a fifty-three foot long refrigerated trailer with sixty-four beer taps (thirty-two per side.) From these mobile ale dispensers came beers in all colors, styles and flavors. My next several paragraphs will be my notes on a few of the beers that stood out to me...saving the best for last. Of the twelve beers that triggered an interest in me one was by far the worst beer I've ever tasted. Another was the best and subsequently got my vote at the end of the event.

       My notes were quick, simple and to the point. My handwriting, for some reason, got progressively worse as the evening went on. There are a few scribbles and check marks that I don't recall making nor do I know why I made them. Pictures will follow the list of libations and their respective notations.


       Bright and ferocious. Mild nuttiness that wasn't too overpowering. Low on hops. Nice, clean finish. Smells like leather polish.

        Rich & creamy. If you're going to have beer with a pastry for breakfast than this is the one. Starts of chocolatey with a strong coffee undertones. Cleans up smooth with hints of vanilla and maybe caramel. Would be great in a beer float.
  • Stone Brewing Company's "IPA" (Indian Pale Ale, 6.6% Alcohol)
       Very bland for an IPA. Perhaps the should drop the "I." Finishes very dry. Makes you yearn for the previous beer you tasted...or the next. Either way, leaves you thirsty.

  • Boulder Beer's "Sweaty Betty" (Blonde Wheat, 5.2% Alcohol)

TASTES LIKE IT SOUNDS. STAY AWAY!  Yuck. Just yuck. Smells like a rusty, dusty asshole. Starts with a hint of sour vegetables and finishes with a pourly complex medley of jockstraps and gym socks. I even made this paragraph ugly to demonstrate my distaste of this beverage.

  • Highland Brewing Company's "Thunderstruck" (Coffee Porter, 5.5% Alcohol)
        In my notes this one is both crossed out and it has a check mark. I can only assume that is comes on too strong then leaves you wanting more. Like a

  •  Pensacola Bay Brewery's "Black Treasure"  (American Porter, 6.1% Alcohol)
       This is by far the best beer I've ever tasted. I'm not a connoisseur of fine alcohols nor am I a fan of paying for them. This is the only beer of the over fifty that I sampled that I will be finding a way to purchase. It's that good. Not too rich with a bitter start. It's aged in oak bourbon barrels and the flavor is quite strong while the drink is still in your mouth. Somehow it finishes almost sweet leaving your pallet refreshed with every swallow. Smell is reminiscent of good liquor spilled on fresh-cut grass.


       Finally, if you're into cool beer swag, Brewfest is the place to go. Tons of stickers, bottle openers, shirts, hats, mugs, steins, cups, beads, etc... Pictures of a few of the beers we sampled will be at the bottom of this post.
Some of My Swag

Here's Some Damn Pictures For Your Eye Holes

Highland's Thunderstruck

Pensacola Bay's Black Treasure

Some Asshole's Sweaty Betty

Stone's Levitation

 
Stone's IPA

Saturday, November 9, 2013

An introductory blog introducing the introducer.


Introducing.....................................................................this guy.
Testingt@cIs this thing on?
 Yes. It looks sloppy on purpose, asshole.
 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why?

       It all started on the 8th of November, 2013. Tallahassee, Florida, U.S.A.  

       I had recently eaten a questionable mushroom. Not the variety that reside in bovine feces that lead to episodes of hallucinations and general tree-huggery; but the variety that, after relentless Googling (is that a verb?), may have given me botulism. I hope think I'm going to live OK.

       During the aforementioned episode of Googling (it's a verb now, damn it) I came across tons of the the usual online forums, USDA stat sheets, kids posting about their hallucinogenic exploits and at some point I found myself perusing images of an ale that claimed to be crafted from fermented zombie dust. Along with all the typical digital nonsense (hold on, need to smoke a cigarette just keep reading) and general disarray that are the building blocks of the internet were these lovely little sites dedicated to fermenting and pickling; How to do it, how not to do it, recipes, pictures, videos and the leading cause of botulism.

       After reading several of these blogs I was impressed with about three of them and disappointed with the other 497. Obviously, those are rough estimates. The majority of the photos appeared to be scanned in 1994 and uploaded in 1996. The videos were such low quality that I swear I smelled
nitrocellulose although I couldn't see or hear a projector and the writing was so terribly boring that I longed for an entertaining anecdote about ale laced with zombie dust. The three that I actually found enlightening, educational, informative and entertaining put quite the impression on me. "I could do that," I thought aloud said, "looks simple enough."

       Long story short Short story long; here we are. Well, at least, here I am. I'm not sure if there will even be a "we," nor do I care. There's something somewhat therapeutic about writing; particularly writing about things that I care about and/or enjoy to one degree or another. Perhaps I will start multiple blogs and keep all the various subjects I plan on writing about structured and organized. Perhaps I will just post them all on this blog and let Google do the navigation for the masses. I'm not one hundred percent sure what I'm going to do with this space in the distant future, but I do know what I'm going to do next; Brewfest Tallahassee 2013.

       Armed with a pen (Pilot G-2 1.0), notepad (Caliber Memo Book), Cellphone Camera (Samsung Galaxy S3) and the grammatical prowess of a substitute English teacher (if you're from Tallahassee, follow the previous link) I will be creating my first real blog post tomorrow, from notes taken tonight at Brewfest Tallahassee 2013.

That's right, tilt your head.
       

       My plan is to sample 200 different beers. Not quite sure what to expect in the way of variety but I'm sure I'll discover something you may enjoy. I can, however, tell you what to expect in my next (and probably all most) blog posts: Lots of links ('cause I'm detail-oriented like that), tons of pictures ('cause I like taking pictures), lots of typed words ('cause you can read and can't hear me) and most of all, my honest poor opinions...my witty somewhat-thought-through commentary...my esceptional speling and and gr4mmm0r...and maybe....if you're lucky, something you'll enjoy.

       Screw you guys, I'm going drinking!

Tom Hebert
"The Musings of a Tom"
November 9th, 2013